Scared at times

Halloween just around the corner kind of funny huh.....Well, last Friday I became very ill, little did I know at the time it was food poisening.  I was throwing up, diarrhea, but what scared me, is that is how I started when I got sick the first time before my cancer showed up.  I had such aches and pains, I just kept apologizing to my husband each time I got sick, and he was so scared looking at me.  I finally had my mom come over, just did not want my honey to be alone.  I hugged him and told him I was tired of being scared.  Every little pain, little jerk and I just am afraid I have to hear that word again. Cancer......

I continue to be brave, keep trying to be strong, but some days it is hard.  I have met so many friends who have filled my life with joy I am lucky.  My mom, and husband are here constantly for me.  Then you have some who are right around the corner and seem like they are so far.  Very sad.  I do have some great friends though, Sophia, Andy, Caroline who always check on me.  It means so much.  I have my best friend in Chicago who always thinks of me. I had one friend who wanted to pray with me, I was so touched with that.  A small note just brightens my spirit.  I light up for days.  People telling me that I am a strong, that I inspire, well, I light up because you just can never give up in life.  You have to keep going even if you hit stumbles.  I support my friends going through cancer on facebook with notes and they support me.  We keep each other going, I would love one day to meet even just one of them. 

Blogging helps me get my feelings down, explain what I go through each time.  Then when i read it wow, I cannot believe it was me.  I cannot believe that next week is treatment week again.  I get my echo, labs and see the doctor too.  Big week but we will just take a deep breathe and move forward. 

I think wow, what a year it has been, but this year has made me stronger than ever.  You wonder why things constantly seem to go wrong at times, but then you sit back and remember the good times and it makes you smile. Those times are in my heart, and keep me going each day.  My husband's smile keeps me strong.  And all the friends I have met with their notes of support helps so much.

Sure I have those days of being sad, scared but considering what I have been through a little tears is okay...........just everyone be there with those hugs.