Breast Cancer

Breast Cancer

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Lab Test Tomorrow and treatment day Wednesday

I know it is normal being scared, but I am tired of being afraid.  I wish some of my friends were closer to me as in distance sometimes I could use their hugs more than ever.  Now is that time.  I feel a little lost writing this today.  Well I have a cold, but that is greatly getting better, my arm hurts so bad, in a certain place if you poke it I feel a burning pain in it.  If I reach it hurts.  My thumbs pop in and out like they are going to come out of joint.  It started of course after I saw my doctor for the cold to make sure my lungs were clear.  Which they were :).  I was trying to do something simple like take laundry out of the dryer and it just hurt.  I guess I am more frustrated then sad. 

Never a dull moment that is for sure, I cry sure, I have to, my counselor told me that is part of healing.  It feels good sometimes to just let it out in tears.  He told me if people do not understand just tell them why.  It scares my husband I know but I have to let it out.  Sometimes I do it when he does not see, I do not want him to worry.

I miss my mom a bit she helps me so much but so glad she has gone to visit my sister and rest.  She needed that. 

On facebook I was doing who I was grateful for each day but suddenly I just stopped.  Well, I guess I lost the mood for that. I am thankful do not get me wrong, but I just haven't the spirit to go through it right now.

I know I am grateful for my friends close by, who visit me, hug me and send me notes.  The ones far away you are in my heart.  My husband deserves a medal for all the stuff he goes through, I always feel like I burden him but he says no.  He is my heart.  It is forever. 

Some people will never understand what we go through ever day.  Some even fake their kindness.  It just does not matter anymore, because I have no more strength to try, to call, or cry over these people anymore.  I do not want to waste the time.  I am going to smile and be happy and sure I get down sometimes, normal, but you will never know because of my smile.  But do remember I am strong, I will never ask for help, but it does not mean I do not need a hug or to be told it is okay.  Remember that.  :)

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Herceptin day, and results November 3, 2011

Well never look forward to hearing results of anything.  We went :) nervous, my echo is great my heart is fine, but my tumor markers have come up from 77 to 127.  So, in three weeks we need that checked again. If still rising need a scan to make sure nothing is happening.  Well my heart sunk and my husband saw the fear on my face.  The doctor explained we check this every three months to make sure, you are on the best medicines so no worries okay. 

Well, how can you not worry, but with that you have to continue to go on.  Smile and tell everyone when they ask you how are u? Well, I am just fine. LOL....but inside I am screaming. Ah!!!

Roel is worried, so am I, but we smile and just keep moving you have to.  With my disease things are bound to come up.  I guess I will always have that fear always. 

My joints still hurt at times, the doctor said all the symptoms I have are from my medicine Armidez.  Joint pain, bloated stomach, and hot flashes.  Hey I can make it he wanted to give me more meds for that ah no that is okay. 

So, will let you know what is to come in three weeks.  Emotionally, I go back and forth, but hey it is going to be okay.  I have the best husband in the world.  I am one lucky girl.  And I met so many friends along the way.  All I can say is your prayers and hugs mean so much.  I am going to make it, you bet I am!