Well I got my treatment last week on Thursday. Labs seem to be doing well, liver results are starting to get better. That is good news. I still get a pain in my ribs now it is on both side from the other tumor. In May I get my echo and tumor markers so I will know if this new medicine is working.
My new medicine Tykerb which I started the day after valentines day, is not fun at times. I get rashes, dry skin, scalp irritation, but what can you do but hope it works. I do get stomach problems at times so I kind of just go with it. You have to.
I get scared still, seeing other people having problems like me, or there cancer coming back, or more cancer is found. I have to remember we are all different. We are fighting but we all have different fights. Each cancer just requires that one thing to help it get better, well in a way make it go away for a while.
My cancer sucks, it is something I have to live with the rest of my life. I worry about my husband, sometimes he looks at me and seems so scared, but when I am scared he remains so strong for me.
I have those days of feeling lost, just needing to be around my husband. The other day I was in the store, and we lost each other, I started to cry. I just felt lost because I could not find him. In a way I feel this way about my cancer. It makes me feel so lost at times. But, I cannot remain that way for long otherwise the cancer will have won and we cannot make it win.
It has been a year for this fight already. I continue to fight on, and with all my friends, family, and husband I will continue to win. Sure, there will be bumps you hit. But those bumps make your stronger, and make you know that you can never give up.
I continue to go to counseling, it helps, and it makes me realize I am not crazy for feeling these things. I learn to channel these fears into something positive and that is what makes me continue to grow.
Each day is a new day for me, that is how I treat it. I wake up with a smile, and I go on with my day. Sure, I cry at times, but you know what it is okay to cry. You let out the hurt, and anger, and then you can sit up and then move on.
I love you Roel, thank you for being my heart.......<3.........my strength, my courage, and thank you for loving me on those days I have a rash face LOL....Thank you mom, for helping me, it means the world. Thank you friends for being there, and thank you family and friends for the love.
C- can never make me weak
A- always will be strong
N- Never will I give up
C- can never take my smile
E- Everyone will be there for support
R- Remember you are never alone.............
