Not sure where to start sometimes....seem kind of lost. I did get my CT-Scan done, everything seems to be the same except for a new tumor by my fifth rib 5 cm large. I was wondering why I would bend down I would get a sudden pain, just thought I hurt myself. Well, I continue with the Herceptin IV, and a new medicine. Due to a lot of these meds affecting my bones I get IV bone strengthener, armidex and a new one Tybert. The tybert can be rough sometimes. It gives me tummy troubles, makes me tired, nausea, headaches and rashes. Fun stuff otherwise hey I am good LOL...Hopefully, this will shrink the new tumor down, if it does not I need to get radiation.
Sometimes you feel like you are taking one step forward and then two back. I get frustrated, angry. I started to get depressed again and decided I needed to see my psych doctor. My medication was increased a little bit because I was just experiencing so much anxiety, depression. It seems to help, and I am hanging in there.
I get negative sometimes, about what I am going through, even about things around me. I feel hurt if some people do not come around, or have the time to see me, but then in another breath I forgive and understand. I go back and forth with feelings and emotions. I worry about my mom, my husband. I told my husband one day I just wanted a normal life. He said to me, what actually is normal. It is different for everyone. So true.
I just take each day as it comes now, face it, process it and then figure out how to deal with it. I have a lot of support and love and I need to focus on that, embrace it and let it in. When I get side effects from my meds it frustrates me, my joints hurt, my thumbs pop out of joint, and other stuff. Things could be worse I have to remember that and not give up. Let the negative things go, focus on what is around that is positive. See the positive in every thing I do.
Staying strong can be hard, but it does keep me going to face another day. Hearing that someone has passed from cancer is hard, it scares me. I ask God why? I really do not understand why things happen. Why, life has to be so hard. Maybe one day I will figure out those answers, but that is something I need to do on my own.
I celebrated my birthday March 2, 46 years old. Cannot believe it has come by already. I felt a lot of love, was surrounded by the ones who care, what else could you ask for......I keep striving for another day, and will continue to do so. Stay strong all my friends, and never give up.......
