Breast Cancer

Breast Cancer

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

November 30 Herceptin day

Well I went in waiting for my results. My tumor markers went from 127 to 137.  Of course sure I was worried but the doctor said not to worry.  So hmm what do you do? I guess not worry LOL......I feel really good otherwise.  This treatment though knocked me out.  I had fever and chills that night and felt so sick.  It took me about four days to actually feel myself.  My body just ached all over.  Skipping a week because I was sick really made a difference.  I ended up hurting my arm, which I have no idea how I did it.  It hurts when you touch it, a burning feeling.  Saw the doctor and he said a strained muscle.  At first he thought maybe shingles, but nothing appeared thank goodness for that.  So, of course it still hurts, because I continue to not rest it.  It actually started to get better and then started to hurt all over again.  I figure it is just something you have to live with for a while. It always seems something comes in the mist of stuff, but I guess it is how you look at it and deal with it is how you can over come it.

I take each day as it comes.  It is crazy sometimes.  I do get scared but try to keep on moving along.  Family stuff is really different this year.  It is amazing how Thanksgiving turned out.  That is another story not worth getting into anymore.  You would think everyone wants to get together to spend time with each other, but it just seems so miserable.

I have tried to get into reading again, but just cannot focus.  One of the lady's at treatment day, she was so cute.  It was her last chemo and she said I have been reading this same book for over six months.  I just cannot retain anything.  But look at it this way, every time I pick up the book it is like starting a brand new novel all over again.  :) I always have to go back and read it again because I cannot retain the information.  I thought I was the only one.  LOL... Boy did that make me feel better, I have been reading the same Stephen King book since April LOL.......

I miss my mom but was glad she took time for her.  She needed that.  I am glad because today she will be back.  Cannot wait to see her.  Missing my dad this year is going to be hard thing to handle but I will make it through.  He is with me everywhere I go.  I can feel him this time.  He protects me and it feels really good.  My husband also protects me and makes me feel so good as well.  He picks me up and always makes me feel better.  I am a lucky girl and his strength means so much.

Emotionally, what can I say, I have changed a bit, I do not sweat the small stuff anymore.  I just do not try too hard now if someone wants to be in my life great if not well I am too tired to try anymore.  It is sad and makes me sad, but what can you do.  I end up getting hurt when I get rejected time and time again, so I have decided to no longer give the effort.  Maybe that seems so awful, they say you have to forgive.  Sure, I forgive, I do not have any hate, just will not try anymore.  I need to focus on the ones who are there.  The ones that make my heart filled with love.

I am lucky for the support of friends, family and loved ones.  Each day that will keep me going and keep me smiling.  All I can say is I will never give up.  My next treatment December 22.  Boy, can you believe Christmas time.  Dad, I miss you, April 1 you left this world, but you are my angel, I love and miss you very much.