April 15, 2008, was my surgery day. The alarm went off, did not get much sleep last night. I took a shower and remember looking at my breast and saying bye. Strangely but I had to. It was either lose my breast or lose my life and hey I am still young!
I got all checked in for surgery. I had to go to radiology first to be injected with dye they had to see if the cancer spread to my lymph nodes. I got to see my doctor and she made me laugh, I told her I was going to glow :). Then I went to be checked in. My husband I was more worried about because I did not want him to be alone waiting. When we got there my brother in law Richard was there. That meant so much to me!
I could go back there and not worry and just take a deep breath. They took me back, I kissed and hugged everyone and said I will be okay dont worry. I changed into my fancy gown and of course brought my stuffed animal my moose with me. I needed something to hold to calm me down. The nurses were great, making me laugh, they could see I was scared. Then one of the nurses came up to me and said your surgery is being delayed but we will get you back soon. I think my heart skipped beats..they could see how scared I was.
The nurse started giving me meds to make me relax. We joked that is was cocktail hour for me. The surgical nurse saw my blood pressure so high and I was cold and shakey. She came and talked with me. She told me that you will be taken care of. Dont worry. Things will be okay. Think good thoughts of a speedy recovery and no infection. She hugged me.
As they started to wheel me back, I was drugged pretty good, but I started to cry. I knew this was it and that the cancer is going away. You think you would be happy, but since I never had surgery before I was so scared of what would happen.
I got in the room and they placed me on the table. The doctor started saying her notes and history of me to all the nurses and assistants in the room. Then I heard the anethesia doc say okay we are going to put you to sleep. I took a deep breath. My doctor grabbed my hand and held it tight while I feel asleep. I knew my fate was in their hands and that everything would be okay.
Breast Cancer
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Seeing the Surgeon
Well once I got the call, and appointment you think I would feel relieved seeing the surgeon but I was more scared. She was going to tell me my fate on what to do. My husband came with me to the appointment and we sat there and waited.
She came in the room, and had my film with her. She said the lump would have never been felt by me, that the mammogram saved me. She said I was in Stage 0 and had carinoma situ of the left breast. She would need to do a masectomy to get rid of the cancer. Well gee thats all, that sounds good, but I never had surgery in my life. I was so scared but she went ahead and scheduled it. Two weeks from the date I was sitting there. I looked over at my husband and he was ready to pass out. He could not believe this was happening. But Hey I knew it would be okay. NO chemo, no radiation. Hey that is great.
So of course the wait begins before the surgery. I remember the day before all the calls I received from my friends and family. It meant so much to me it made me cry. I was expecting my mom to come but she was unable. But I knew there was so much love around to make me strong.
I had a lot of time in between where I cried, where my husband cried. I thought maybe I was being punished for something, or maybe I did something wrong. I prayed to God but got no answer so I continued to move on and get myself ready for that day.
The night before my surgery I could not sleep. I keep breathing heavy, was scared, never had surgery before so never knew what to expect. Was afraid that I would not want to look at myself, that nobody would. I remember closing my eyes and bit and just thinking of things they way they were and wondering how they would become. Then the alarm rang it was time.
She came in the room, and had my film with her. She said the lump would have never been felt by me, that the mammogram saved me. She said I was in Stage 0 and had carinoma situ of the left breast. She would need to do a masectomy to get rid of the cancer. Well gee thats all, that sounds good, but I never had surgery in my life. I was so scared but she went ahead and scheduled it. Two weeks from the date I was sitting there. I looked over at my husband and he was ready to pass out. He could not believe this was happening. But Hey I knew it would be okay. NO chemo, no radiation. Hey that is great.
So of course the wait begins before the surgery. I remember the day before all the calls I received from my friends and family. It meant so much to me it made me cry. I was expecting my mom to come but she was unable. But I knew there was so much love around to make me strong.
I had a lot of time in between where I cried, where my husband cried. I thought maybe I was being punished for something, or maybe I did something wrong. I prayed to God but got no answer so I continued to move on and get myself ready for that day.
The night before my surgery I could not sleep. I keep breathing heavy, was scared, never had surgery before so never knew what to expect. Was afraid that I would not want to look at myself, that nobody would. I remember closing my eyes and bit and just thinking of things they way they were and wondering how they would become. Then the alarm rang it was time.
Friday, September 10, 2010
When it all began
On March 28, 2008, after going through two biopsies one actually coming back normal and waiting for the result of the other one I got the call. It only took one day for the result, I was in a lot of pain considering they had to put two needles in my breast to get the samples they needed. Laying on a table face down while your breast in through a hole in the table was not the most comfortable thing but I made it.
You know you pray you never hear those words, but when I picked up the phone I just knew it was coming. The doctor told me sorry to tell you this, (Okay that is not going to be good) you have breast cancer. We need to refer you to a surgeon for consult. I was trying to breath and felt such a heaviness in my chest. I was alone when I got that call, my husband was working. After I hung up the phone still trying to process what she said, I called my husband. I screamed, I HAVE BREAST CANCER!. That is all I could say. I heard him be quiet and said it will be okay.
I knew he was on his way home, but I had one more call to make. To tell my family what I have heard. I called and got my mom, the only words I could say is I have cancer. My mom did not want me to get off the phone but I needed to process that day what I have heard. My cousin Lisa, about eight months ago was diagnosed with breast cancer too. She called me right away and I heard her say You will be alright. Its okay you will be fine remember that. Her call put me at ease that day. It meant the world to me.
Now I have to wait one week to get to the surgeon to see what will be next. Waiting is the worst thing you can do when you are scared, but I kept myself busy and prayed each day that I will make it through. When my husband got home he grabbed me told me to cry let it out, but I could not, I could not let any feelings out all i wanted was it to go away.
You know you pray you never hear those words, but when I picked up the phone I just knew it was coming. The doctor told me sorry to tell you this, (Okay that is not going to be good) you have breast cancer. We need to refer you to a surgeon for consult. I was trying to breath and felt such a heaviness in my chest. I was alone when I got that call, my husband was working. After I hung up the phone still trying to process what she said, I called my husband. I screamed, I HAVE BREAST CANCER!. That is all I could say. I heard him be quiet and said it will be okay.
I knew he was on his way home, but I had one more call to make. To tell my family what I have heard. I called and got my mom, the only words I could say is I have cancer. My mom did not want me to get off the phone but I needed to process that day what I have heard. My cousin Lisa, about eight months ago was diagnosed with breast cancer too. She called me right away and I heard her say You will be alright. Its okay you will be fine remember that. Her call put me at ease that day. It meant the world to me.
Now I have to wait one week to get to the surgeon to see what will be next. Waiting is the worst thing you can do when you are scared, but I kept myself busy and prayed each day that I will make it through. When my husband got home he grabbed me told me to cry let it out, but I could not, I could not let any feelings out all i wanted was it to go away.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)