September 23 Herceptin Treatment

Well you think this is routine now....the nurses know me by name when I go.  My husband though can tell there is still some sadness in my eyes when I go.  Sometimes you do not feel like normal.  I see the port in my skin on my chest, I get tired sometimes after treatment, my legs ache, but I am so grateful to have my husband by my side all the time.  My mom also has been wonderful and my family and friends.  I have connected with so many people on facebook, they have become my family.  We all help each other get through those days when we feel bad.

Treatment went well, I have been tired but hang in there.  These are little things which seem to be nothing just a part of my life.  I am thankful for my life, my husband, my family and friends. 

Been very emotional lately, missing my dad who passed away in April, wish he was here for a hug sometimes.  I forget that he is gone at times.  I cannot believe that I started fighting my cancer the end of January and it is already going to be October.  What a year this has been.  I continue each day to fight, and will never give up.  Have too many things that make me smile every day.

 

September 13, Unable to sleep

Today I cannot sleep, for the first time in a while.  My mind keeps going over and over some things and I worry about family.....There are days I feel so not strong, I have met so many inspiring people along the way this time and I am so grateful for them.  They tell me that I bring them up, that I help them and my words put them at ease.  That makes me feel good.  What they do not realize that sometimes I just feel so tired.  I hide a lot of my fear so people do not know how scared I am sometimes.  Cancer sucks there is no other way to say it.  I know I need to focus and be strong no worries I will, but some days getting hugs is all that I need to survive. 

My husband people see how wonderful he is.  I am thankful every day for him.  He supports me, makes me feel loved.  He has been there on good and bad days, and always trys to make me laugh.  He keeps things from me so I do not worry, and he works hard each and every day.  I am so proud of him.  He is my strength, my life, and I love him so much.  People say I am lucky to have such a supportive husband and you know what I am lucky.  Not many men would stick by you through this time, some of my friends have told me they lost loved ones because of cancer, they just up and left.  Mine stayed by my side through it all. 

I know I will be able to sleep again once my mind rests but for now I write to let the world know that I am afraid.  I know it is okay to feel that, and it will pass as it always does because I know each day I will be greated with a smile and feel love in my heart. 

Next week already herceptin is coming.  Feel like a regular already with this.  It becomes now a part of my life, a part which keeps me living. I will be strong just remember I do have those days.........

Thursday September 1 Herceptin Day

Went and got my herceptin went pretty well.  You know even though you have a port it still hurts when they put that needle in, but once you get passed that, it is easy.  I get a little nauseous afterwards, that usually lasts for about one day, and get a little tired.  Been walking a lot lately which is great, I get sore the next day but my legs seem to be getting better. My hair continues to grow back, and my nails.  My toe nails still some problems but that will heal in time.  I get tired easily but hey I still hang in there.  Being around friends and family help so much. 

I can say that I am taking one day at at time.  You still remember the day you are diagnosed, you still remember sometimes the fears, but you continue to carry on, and smile and not let people know those thoughts.  You sometimes wish things were different, miss some people who are gone, but then you realize what is around and are so grateful. 

I can say I feel very brave for what I have fought, I did it with opens eyes.  Giving up is not me, and I am lucky to have a man in my life that sticks by me no matter what.  Believe me in life that is hard to find. He made this problem his fight as well, and we fought together. 

On that note, I can say I will take one day at a time and always be grateful. Love you Roel.