Seeing the Surgeon

Well once I got the call, and appointment you think I would feel relieved seeing the surgeon but I was more scared.  She was going to tell me my fate on what to do. My husband came with me to the appointment and we sat there and waited. 

She came in the room, and had my film with her.  She said the lump would have never been felt by me, that the mammogram saved me.  She said I was in Stage 0 and had carinoma situ of the left breast.  She would need to do a masectomy to get rid of the cancer.  Well gee thats all, that sounds good, but I never had surgery in my life.  I was so scared but she went ahead and scheduled it.  Two weeks from the date I was sitting there.  I looked over at my husband and he was ready to pass out.  He could not believe this was happening.  But Hey I knew it would be okay.  NO chemo, no radiation.  Hey that is great.

So of course the wait begins before the surgery.  I remember the day before all the calls I received from my friends and family. It meant so much to me it made me cry.  I was expecting my mom to come but she was unable. But I knew there was so much love around to make me strong.

I had a lot of time in between where I cried, where my husband cried.  I thought maybe I was being punished for something, or maybe I did something wrong. I prayed to God but got no answer so I continued to move on and get myself ready for that day.

The night before my surgery I could not sleep.  I keep breathing heavy, was scared, never had surgery before so never knew what to expect.  Was afraid that I would not want to look at myself, that nobody would. I remember closing my eyes and bit and just thinking of things they way they were and wondering how they would become.  Then the alarm rang it was time.