Breast Cancer

Breast Cancer

Monday, October 11, 2010

First Oncology Visit

Well the day came, my first visit to an oncologist.  Oh boy, I was sitting in the waiting room looking around and just could not believe I was there.  Kept thinking it was a dream.  Once my name was called I went back. Was roomed and tried to relax.  You see as soon as I hear the word cancer my mind goes blank.  I am lucky that my husband came with me to every appointment.  He was my eyes and ears and my support.  I would not have made it through any of this without him. 

The doctor came in aw he was great. Great personality and he talked to me a bit.  He told me four chemo treatments were needed.  We dont know if any cancer cells went through any other part of the body so we need to get them.  He told me I needed to go to a chemo class.  The nurse would go over everything needed and what to expect from my treatments.  Okay Chemo Class..hahahaha, that was a good one. 

We asked questions well my husband did, I still could not comprehend why? The doctor told me the nurse would call and set me up for class.  Once I went through my class then my chemo would be scheduled.  So trying to make myself laugh if I fail the class do I not have to go....lol.....dont think it works that way but you have to laugh about it.

It took about two days and I got the call, got set up for my class in the morning on a Monday.  My husband wanted to come and I was glad he was.  I just kept telling myself things will be okay just have to keep going and not give up.

We went to class, a very nice nurse was there and she handed me a folder.  Another gentleman was there as well taking the class with me.  I kept wondering what kind of cancer does he have.  I hope things work out for him okay. The nurse told me what to expect, losing my hair and so on.  Not to eat fatty foods after, and there is always a nurse to call if there are any questions.  The folder contained wig information, and classes I can go to to help with my hair and skin problems.  But I just took the folder and put it down did not want to look at it too much.

Once the class was over, me and the other gentleman shook hands and wished each other luck. We wished each other well in our fate.  So I took my husbands hand and we went to go down stairs to get the car.

As I walked outside, for the first time it just hit hard what I was going through.  My husband saw my face and walked me over to sit down.  I started crying, not because I felt sorry for myself but I was just scared. Sure it is normal, but this stuff was going to go through my body and I had to just let it to get better. I cannot believe it!

We got the car and went home.  I felt better and was awaiting a call from the oncology nurse to schedule my first chemo appointment.  I was hoping maybe they would not call, or maybe have a wrong number for me..but you know that would never happen. 

I received the call, and got set up for two weeks from my class appointment. Well, lets just say fear set in again.  I called the nurse because I was trying to postpone it even longer. She said it is best to get started as soon as you can once you get going it will be okay. Dont be afraid we are all here for you.

I let my husband know that every two weeks on a Thursday would be my day.  He told me he wanted to come with me and sit and that meant the world to me.  I did not want to be alone and I knew once this journey starts I would never be.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Surgeon Follow-up appointment

Well the time came I was excited get the drain out which was hurting so much and get my dressing looked at.  Was feeling good.  The doctor came in and removed the drain, my husband and I have seen that in the military so many times never knew how it would feel. A lot of fluid came out, the drain was kinked a bit so lets just say it made a mess all over. But glad to have it removed.

She fixed me up with a bandage and checked everything.  All looked good, I was healing great no infection.  I was of course given antibiotics to take at home and pain medications. 

Well the doctor said I got your biopsy results back.  Your lymph nodes were not affected.  So no more surgery.  Yah!!! I was happy, but then I heard the word BUT.........oh no nothing every follows this that is good.  They removed 2 tumors from the breast one 2.5 cm and one 1.5 cm.  Wow, I said those were huge.  Then the doctor said one other things.  You need to get four treatments of chemo.....

My heart stopped.  I looked over at my husband and just did not hear anything else after that.  I started shaking inside and I was just so scared.  The doctor held my hands and said it would be okay.  You will do great.  Stay strong. 

She referred me to my oncologist.  Gosh, never thought I would have a doctor with that speciality.  And of course you wait a week.  I was so anxious waiting for that appointment to find out what was next. 

I started to prepare, well of course I know I would lose my hair, so started shopping for wigs to get ready and if I saw hats or scarfs would buy them.

My mother in law was supposed to come over and help me I asked my husband if I could be alone.  I was really angry.  Angry that I had to face that and that my fight was not over.  I just needed some time to myself to think.  I remember calling my parents that night telling them.  Everyone was angry except for my husband he stayed strong for me. 

I read too many books about what chemo was and what it does that it was like a horror movie to me.  So I decided to put all books down and not ready anything anymore.  The more I read the more anxious I got.  One book that stuck into my mind was "I wore Lipstick to my Masectomy" True story about a 24 year old girl who got breast cancer.  She wore lip stick the day of her surgery to state I am still beautiful and I am a woman even though my breast has been taken away.  It went over a lot about chemo, how scared she was.  But I know treatment has changed so much since she was diagnosed back in the 80's, and who knows maybe I will be okay.  I have to believe that. But your mind wanders, my cousin who had breast cancer had chemo as well and ended up having heart problems.  She called me all scared that this would happen to me.  I decided that I did not want to talk to anyone anymore that I had to go into this with my eyes only.  Everyone is different, we all react different.  I kept telling myself that. 

Well the wait went on until the appointment came for the oncologist to find out what would be next. 

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Waking up from Surgery and going home

When I woke up of course you feel strange. I looked around and the male nurse taking care of me told me I did great. I had minimal pain which was great and was ready to go home and rest. I knew my husband must have been relieved it was all over, but what he went through while I was in surgery I could only imagine. I am so grateful for Richard my brother in law for being there with him, I even heard my father in law came too. They were all afraid to stay and see me afterwards was not sure how I would feel so they left once I was ready to go home.

While I was laying there well of course I peaked. I had to look at my chest and the bandage. Yes, my breast was gone, but you know what I was not sad. I was okay. I had a drain on my side which needed to stay in for a week before I see the surgeon again. If you must know that hurt more than the surgery. Go figure that.

It is amazing though, because you want to know what went through my mind. How can anyone go through this alone.  One week before my surgery I got fitted for these shirts so I can put drains in them and be comfortable. Even went to a drain class...oh come on now  lol.....the shirt had an insert for  a cotton boob....well lets just say that was fun. I brought them with me but you know what I did not even put it on.  I did not care what I looked liked when I left I just know once I was ready I got dressed and was ready to go.

I know my husband while he waited was scared, he was sad and could not understand why I had to go through this. Him being alone in the waiting room was my worst fear actually and so glad he was not.

Well I had to wait one week and then see the surgeon again.  They biopsed my lymph nodes to see if the cancer spread so I had to hear the fate of that. If it did spread more surgery.  But I put that out of my mind. I just wanted to heal.  Had very little pain, but was so tired and sore. I rested a lot.

Taking sponge baths were not fun but I had to as long as I had that drain. I went out with my drain using my tshirt and it worked well.  But of course I kept asking if I looked okay.  Kind of hard to manage a cotton boob with your real boob. But all you can do is laugh and that is what I did. My husband was surprised of my attitude, he was going to cover the mirrors so I would not have to see my scars, but you know what I wanted to see.  I had to.  It helped me get over it. My husband helped me bath it was hard for me to move with the drain, and drained my drain every day.  It brought him back to his navy days.  lol..we just laughed about that.  It was hard relying on people that believe it or not was the hardest thing for me. Here my giving and giving to others and now I need people to give to me.  But let me tell you the support I received warmed my heart, I even cried because I never knew I was loved so much.

I had help around the house with my mother in law. She was great. Came over and helped me with laundry and stuff since I could not lift.  I kept waiting for Wednesday removal of the drain and to find out the results. I mean come on how worse can it be, Stage 0, and just a masecetomy.  So, I was pretty positive about a lot.  And felt it is over and I can move on.