Herceptin iv, and knee

Two weeks ago I received herceptin, no more chemo which is good my body can finally heal.  Not too much reaction just felt sick to my stomach otherwise doing okay.  My legs and ankles are swollen with water so working on that until last Sunday I blew my left knee out.

It has been a week about my knee the brace is off I am finally walking without using crutches or a walker.  But my legs remain weak probably from the chemo still.  I have my mom and husband supporting me and giving me encouragement each day to get up and heal.  And my facebook friends and family who continue to do that as well.  I pray to god for help, sometimes I feel he does not answer and that is hard and I cry.  I need to be strong so much.  I have to. 

I have some regrets in life, of course we all do, I regret not having children, forgiving some people when we fight. Lately, I just let things go when I get hurt from someone.  I figure if they want to be in my life embrace it.  If someone does not just let it go.  But I have learned that you have to embrace those in your life now and enjoy you have to. 

I hope my husband never regrets anything with me, he is such a wonderful man.  Someone who I admire who is so strong and I feed off his strength each day.  Is it wrong to miss him so much during the day it hurts?  I do.  I feel lost when he is not around, crazy huh but it is true.

Next week back on herceptin, so moving right along  Doing exercises to strengthen my knee so I know one day at a time and hang in there.  I have to one day at a time. 

I love my family my sister, her husband, my nieces and my mom and husband with all my heart.  Thank you for the strength.  And my true friends thank you as well......I will make it through one day at a time.  All the cards I have gotten I keep and read for support so thank you so much for all of that. And my other strength is I am getting well not only for me, but dad I love you.  I promised you before you died that I would get better and I will.

feeling hopeful for the first time

I feel hopeful for the first time.  Geez what took me so long huh. lol........I still have affects from the chemo but I talked to a support lady yesterday Gloria, she has the same diagnosis as me and she is going strong.  Been on herceptin for three years and doing great, has some side effects but okay. 

After talking with her it lifted my spirits up so high you could not believe.  I know with the support of everyone, my family, friends, and my wonderful husband I will be just fine. Sure, I have days and will have them when I am scared, sad, or feel why me, but hey its okay and I know I will be okay.

I love u Roel we will plan a party celebration soon and go away for a needed rest.  You mean the world to me and thank u for being my heart and spirit.  I love u.....

Scared

Well I am coming around the stretch will be three weeks since the chemo next week and then I just go for herceptin.  I will be closely monitored to make sure my heart remains strong and okay during this treatment.  I should be happy that the tumor markers are down, but this week I have been so afraid.  Been thinking a lot about my dad, and then also you read about this cancer I have that you can be alive five years, ten years, fifteen years, you just do not know.  Being constantly scared like that is no way to live I know.  I will continue on and be happy, but there are times I feel abandoned by God.  Why did he do this to me? And then there are days I feel so strong and happy nothing can knock me over. 

I know taking one day at a time is all that I can do.  I am a lucky girl to have a wonderful husband who is always there for me.  He would take my pain away if he could I can see that in his eyes.  I have a loving family and am surrounded by so many wonderful friends, shoot they are friends but also my family too. 

Things could always be worse, I could be alone, and I am not.  I am grateful for each day that comes my way and just pray things continue to come our way in our life together for my husband and me. I cannot give up, I have to keep going.  I know I can make it through. I love you Roel......