Well the time came I was excited get the drain out which was hurting so much and get my dressing looked at. Was feeling good. The doctor came in and removed the drain, my husband and I have seen that in the military so many times never knew how it would feel. A lot of fluid came out, the drain was kinked a bit so lets just say it made a mess all over. But glad to have it removed.
She fixed me up with a bandage and checked everything. All looked good, I was healing great no infection. I was of course given antibiotics to take at home and pain medications.
Well the doctor said I got your biopsy results back. Your lymph nodes were not affected. So no more surgery. Yah!!! I was happy, but then I heard the word BUT.........oh no nothing every follows this that is good. They removed 2 tumors from the breast one 2.5 cm and one 1.5 cm. Wow, I said those were huge. Then the doctor said one other things. You need to get four treatments of chemo.....
My heart stopped. I looked over at my husband and just did not hear anything else after that. I started shaking inside and I was just so scared. The doctor held my hands and said it would be okay. You will do great. Stay strong.
She referred me to my oncologist. Gosh, never thought I would have a doctor with that speciality. And of course you wait a week. I was so anxious waiting for that appointment to find out what was next.
I started to prepare, well of course I know I would lose my hair, so started shopping for wigs to get ready and if I saw hats or scarfs would buy them.
My mother in law was supposed to come over and help me I asked my husband if I could be alone. I was really angry. Angry that I had to face that and that my fight was not over. I just needed some time to myself to think. I remember calling my parents that night telling them. Everyone was angry except for my husband he stayed strong for me.
I read too many books about what chemo was and what it does that it was like a horror movie to me. So I decided to put all books down and not ready anything anymore. The more I read the more anxious I got. One book that stuck into my mind was "I wore Lipstick to my Masectomy" True story about a 24 year old girl who got breast cancer. She wore lip stick the day of her surgery to state I am still beautiful and I am a woman even though my breast has been taken away. It went over a lot about chemo, how scared she was. But I know treatment has changed so much since she was diagnosed back in the 80's, and who knows maybe I will be okay. I have to believe that. But your mind wanders, my cousin who had breast cancer had chemo as well and ended up having heart problems. She called me all scared that this would happen to me. I decided that I did not want to talk to anyone anymore that I had to go into this with my eyes only. Everyone is different, we all react different. I kept telling myself that.
Well the wait went on until the appointment came for the oncologist to find out what would be next.
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