Today I cannot sleep, for the first time in a while. My mind keeps going over and over some things and I worry about family.....There are days I feel so not strong, I have met so many inspiring people along the way this time and I am so grateful for them. They tell me that I bring them up, that I help them and my words put them at ease. That makes me feel good. What they do not realize that sometimes I just feel so tired. I hide a lot of my fear so people do not know how scared I am sometimes. Cancer sucks there is no other way to say it. I know I need to focus and be strong no worries I will, but some days getting hugs is all that I need to survive.
My husband people see how wonderful he is. I am thankful every day for him. He supports me, makes me feel loved. He has been there on good and bad days, and always trys to make me laugh. He keeps things from me so I do not worry, and he works hard each and every day. I am so proud of him. He is my strength, my life, and I love him so much. People say I am lucky to have such a supportive husband and you know what I am lucky. Not many men would stick by you through this time, some of my friends have told me they lost loved ones because of cancer, they just up and left. Mine stayed by my side through it all.
I know I will be able to sleep again once my mind rests but for now I write to let the world know that I am afraid. I know it is okay to feel that, and it will pass as it always does because I know each day I will be greated with a smile and feel love in my heart.
Next week already herceptin is coming. Feel like a regular already with this. It becomes now a part of my life, a part which keeps me living. I will be strong just remember I do have those days.........
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