4/28 chemo

Well chemo was last week, it was scary for me this time around, could not calm down, so afraid of the after affects.  Saturday the pains started, so I stuck with taking the pain medicine my doctor prescribed.  I hate taking pills, but the pain is so unbearable.  I have had a little rough week but slowly starting to get better. Been running fevers at night, aches and pains, stomach ache and nausea.  Believe me I have days where I want to give up.  Chemo is just not a nice thing, but I watch motivational stories of others who went through cancer and how they dealt with it.  Going to counciling now, and sometimes you learn that others are going through such a rougher time than you, and when you see them smile and their spirits up it keeps you going.

I hate asking for help but realized that I have to, the only way I will get through it is with help.  The help I get even from people who live miles away means so much to me.  A phone call, and letter, a note, means so much.

Today, well I am keeping my spirits each day I face what I have to get by. My energy is slowly starting to come back, and I slowly start to feel like myself.  I am scared though, still get scared, I had an echo tuesday have not heard yet, I guess no news is good news, but you still get scared.  I cannot even walk to get the mail anymore without feeling like I just walked a mile.  But like the saying is, I have cancer, but cancer does not have me.

I see smiles lately when I walk through the hospital half the time I do not even wear a scarf anymore, hey Im bald, so look at it people  lol.........now I know what sunburn on the head is, ouch not fun...lol...I do have to say I miss getting my hair done, that was always a pamper for me, but it will come back soon, and I will complain of bad hair days again. 

I miss my dad, but he is my angel who is taking care of me now.  I also have another angel Marcus a good friend their son passed away, I was not too much into prayer before this, but I do believe in angels and know they are there guiding me. Things could always be worse and whatever comes my way I have to continue to fight and move on.  With all the love I get I know I can do anything.

I slowly am getting my chemo rash but not as bad as before, hey could be worse right.  Things are slowly going to be okay I just wish I can stop being scared.