Alot has occured are you ready

Well I have not written in a while because hey cancer keeps you busy....lol..........but I know it will be over soon.

Everything came together again when my fever ran up to 102.5.   Roel took me to the ER and all tests were run again.  I was worried since I had the liver biospy something might have been wrong.  When I was lying on the table getting the biospy I looked up and saw my liver on the xray.  I saw the lesions and saw that it did not look good.  You want to think positive but sometimes you just know.

Of course I got in the hospital and got admitted.  Tests were run again for infection but everything came back fine.  The doctor sat down on the bed and let us know that the liver biospy came back positive for cancer cells.  It was a cancer spread from my breast.  I already knew, I asked if my oncologist could be contacted because I just wanted to get things done no more waiting. 

My doctor came and talked to my mom, Roel and me, we sat there scared wondering if there would be any treatment at all.  He told me that I can go through chemo, and get my first one here at the hospital to see how I do.  I was ready but scared.  They moved me to a private room which was nice I could rest and be alone. This was a thursday so I was all cleaned up and ready to go.  The chemo nurse came in and started my IV, I started to cry just felt so much emotions. Then the machine was turned on and here we go.  It took an hour and half to go in.  I felt okay, and when she took the IV out and removed the bag I knew hey I made it through number one.  I had some side effects, tiredness, body aches, felt a little nausea. This went on for about one week.  Well this Thursday I went to get the other drug to take Herpecin.  No side effects I was told.

Well boy did I have some......flu like symptoms.  Man it was awful, I would actually say that was worse then the big wammie chemo.  I let the doctor know I was afraid he was going to say to stop this medicine but he said all that was normal.  So the fight continues.

I go back on Thursday again for that medicine.  I am ready, you know this time around I have been more emotional.  I never cried last time not until the end.  This time I cry to let out my anger, and let out my frustration. 

I have to say there was one scarey moment in the hospital I was undecided if I should write it down.  My husband asked the doctor a worst case scenerio of my health.  The doctor said I could be at stage IV liver cancer and there is no cure.  I could not breath, I was scared, could not stop crying.  They had to give me anxiety medications to calm me down.  But, when the doctor came and told me chemo, I welcomed it. I knew the angel that has helped me through all of this is protecting me. 

My husband worries constantly about me, even my family, but hey I am okay. There are days I am sad, but I sit outside and enjoy the sun and realize there is so much to fight for.  I am not giving up!