Breast Cancer

Breast Cancer

Monday, June 25, 2012

Cancer Follow up June 25, 2012

Not sure where to begin a lot has happened since my last blog.  In March 2012, a CT scan was taken because my tumor markers went up.  Well, they found another tumor on my 5th rib.  Let me tell you it hurts sometimes when I bend down.  The doctor added Tykerb a new medication, which has so many side effects.  I get acne, fun, my scalp gets irritated and I have stomach problems.  I think a day does not go by when I do not feel tired.  Let's just say frustration hits sometimes and I just need to vent.

I have not seen some of my in law since hmmm Thanksgiving.....and they live just 15 miles away.  But I am lucky to have my mom, who comes over every day to help me clean, lift heavy things and take me shopping.  There are days I just cannot function on my own.  Her helping me means so much, but I know deep down I think she wishes I was well enough so she can leave.  I feel bad she feels she needs to stay all the time, I feel bad for always needing help.

My husband is amazing.  He is always by my side.  It means so much his support, he always tells me I am beautiful, and picks me up when I am down.  He is my strength and I am so lucky he is in my life.  I know it is hard for him.  He works so hard.  If I could win a million dollars maybe that would make less stress for us.  Shoot that would make less stress for anyone.  I am just thankful for what I have.  I am so thankful for him.

I have great friends out there.  Not only the ones I met on facebook, but Andy and Sophia who I love with all my heart. They took us away for the weekend and it was so wonderful.  To look at the mountains, and the trees, and just relax meant the world to me.  I could not stop crying because they thought of us.  They always hug me and make me feel that things will be okay.  Believe me I need that more than you know.  My friend Karen in Chicago...I love her with all my heart.  I am so lucky to have people who love me, worry about me, and always say they are there.  They are I know they are I can feel it.

As you can tell by me writing I am frustrated.  I get frustrated because I feel cancer has taken a part of me.  The once happy girl running around doing for others sometimes does not even have the strength to do for herself.  There are days I get scared, angry, sad, but then I realize things could always be worse.  I am lucky for the love in my life which keeps me strong each day.  The doctor now is doing CT scan every three months instead of the tumor markers so I guess I will have a nervous stomach in three months LOL...but it makes me feel reassured that things are going okay and are stable.  I am lucky, and I am not giving up that is for sure.

They say people with cancer never ask for help, always say they are fine, and you know what it is true.  It is hard for me to ask for help, but I guess it is time I say yes I need it.  Whoever wants to give it please give it.  Hugs is what I need, and love is the only thing I ask for.  I have a wonderful family filled with nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, and a sister and a mom.  Dad I know you are up there.  :) A husband who is an angel, who makes me smile every day.

I know I get cranky, sometimes and I get sad, but everyone do not give up now.  The love out there is what I need and when I have it, I know I can win!

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