Breast Cancer

Breast Cancer

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Herceptin Treatment 1-12-12.

I skipped posting about one herceptin treatment in December..sometimes it is hard coming up with the words so I just let it go until I am ready.

It seems after my treatment after one hour goes by I get the chills really bad.  I pile up those blankets to keep warm, and boy does my body ache.  Sleeping, well I seem to not be able to get enough.  You take different medicines but you never really know what causes what anymore.

I get sad at times.  Think of those who are sick.  Wish I had a way to make them feel better.  I wish for tons of money to help others, if it would make their life easier.  I never really wish for myself because I have really what I need.  I loving husband who is always there, wonderful friends, and dog who never judges me, and my mom and family.  Some days you need that support to get through.  It gets scary when you get a ache or pain, you right away think the worst and all it is, is a pulled muscle.  When I dream, I dream my life as being normal, I walk without pain, I have beautiful skin, feel great and have so much energy.  Then I wake up and look in the mirror and see my port, my scars and know that it is nice to dream but you have to face reality and learn to deal with it.

I have made a lot of friends throughout my journey, some of them I wonder how they stay so strong.  How do they continue on.......I see posts that warm my heart on facebook, and even though they hurt they will leave a message wishing others well.  Those people I admire, I am thankful for, they keep me going each and every day.  When I hear that one has died my heart sinks.  I wish their pain could have been taken away.  Did I help them, make them smile.

When I wake up, I realize another day has come, a day to fight, and a day to greet it with a smile.  Sure, I have my days, sometimes you need to just cry, and then the next day comes, you pick yourself up and face the world again.

I noticed as we get older families change.  I watch them drift apart, for reasons I never  understand.  Mostly because they are busy.  It seems family will hurt you the most, of course you still love them.  You would be there for them no matter what, but that hurt is more painful then one from a friend.  I hope all my family realizes spending time together should be considered precious, a small note, email, card, means the world.  You never know how long you have on this earth, so loving one another should just be something to do every day.

Unfortunately, families realize it when it is too late.  Some families only get together at funerals to say good bye.  To me, all the time was wasted when you could have been with that person while they were still here. But, we all get busy, we all have our own problems.  You know what, Cancer is one problem I am sure nobody would want to deal with.  If they had it they would realize losing material things is nothing, they are things, but losing your life and having to fight every single day to stay well, is more a problem than every day life.  Cancer patients, make things look easy, we never ask for help, never say we hurt, never admit we are in pain so you figure huh, she is fine.  Dealing with metastatic breast cancer or any cancer the fear of it returning is always with us.  When it comes back, then the fear of dying is there.  You hear those words in your head, I am sorry, You have Cancer, and they never go away.  But we continue to smile, get up each day and say today I will live my life to its fullest.

So, remember your problems, losing your home, unable to pay bills, minor, because a cancer patient wonders  is today the day.......so just be there for them, hug them, and guess what your problems can be fixed, cancer cannot so just smile and be thankful you can live.......

2 comments:

  1. Dear Nancy, you cheer me up and impact me positively. You are one of my sisters on facebook, and I treasure you. On an aside, has your doctor talked to you about managing the pain? Would a claritin help? You might ask your oncologist....

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    1. they give me tyelnol before hand, maybe a claritin would help too. i will ask....thank u :)

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