Herceptin again lol..........Thursday August 11

Well another herceptin down.  I got good news I had an echo done and tumor markers, my echo was normal so my heart is doing good and my tumor markers are down from 85 to 77.  So, things are coming along.  I started a new medication avanistin which will help also.  I seem to be moving right along which is good.

I still have reactions from the chemo but things are starting to get a little better.  The numbness in my hands and feet is there but better, my legs do not hurt as much.  I am working on my nails and toe nails.  Got a bad fungus so that is going to take time but it will get better. My eye lashes are starting to come back and eye brows.  And my hair it is coming in slowly.......I hope the grey stays away  lol......

I was started on medicine for depression, the chemo put me into menopause so been emotional, not only about my health but also about my dad.  It is helping but of course you have to work on healing yourself which is what I am doing.

The knee I dislocated gets sore which I am sure is normal when I walk a lot.  I just have to hang in there with that. Things will get better.

My husband has been by my side through it all and still continues.  When I am down he brings me up, and believe me I do have those days.  He tells me I am beautiful and I always see the love in his eyes.  He is my life and I am so grateful for him.

I need to continue to be strong and with my husband, family and friends I know I can.  I wake up and think of all the things I am grateful for in my life and then start my day.  Things will come together I just have to take one day at at time.

Thursday was Herceptin day

I really did not feel like going on Thursday felt kind of sad.  But I made it through and did it.  Still have some affects from the chemo, weak legs, I ended up getting some problems with my nails and toes nails.  Some stomach problems too. But, things are coming together slowly.  It has been three months since my last treatment so I know my body is slowly coming back to normal.  Even my hair is growing!!!

My knee seems better but I still take it slow.  It gets sore after walking for a while but it is working.  :)

I take each day now as it comes, and be strong and try to move on slowly.  I miss my dad a great deal but I know he is looking down on me from heaven. 

I do not seem to have too much reaction from the herceptin which is great.  The extra water weight I gained over 20 pounds is gone now and I feel great.  On August 9 i get my tumor markers checked again and my echo for my heart to make sure things are going okay.  So everyone pray and will be letting you know.  I think maybe I can rest easy once I find out.  All I know is I have to take one day at a time. 

Thanks to all the support from my family and friends I will continue to fight and never give up.  Roel I love you!

Herceptin was on Thursday

Well I had my herceptin again, does not seem to bother me which is good.  My leg swelling has gotten much better which is good, I  had almost over 10 pounds of water weight.  Still dealing with my leg weakness which is hard, I get frustrated when I cannot do much.  And also my knee, but it has been three weeks so I keep telling myself to be patient.   Being patient is hard let me tell you, but sometimes you just have to go with it.  Also my nails, are very discolored. It makes me feel ugly at times but all shall pass as they say. They say it can take up to six months for the chemo to come out of your system.  /Well five more to go.....

There is a lot of stress with all of this, stress sometimes I wish it would go away but talking it out helps me so much.

Today I am actually lost for words, just want things to come together slowly and I know they will.  Life was never made to  be easy that is for sure.  I just wish my hurt in my heart could sometimes disappear. I cry and it just never makes it go away.  One thing I did learn tears are very healing to the soul and it helps me heal in my heart in a certain way.  People worry when they see me cry,  but hey sometimes it just has to come out.  You know what it is okay......

I pray for strength and for my worries to be lifted. One day those worries will hopefully be gone.

The love of my friends and family are my strength, my hope....I will never give up.......

Herceptin iv, and knee

Two weeks ago I received herceptin, no more chemo which is good my body can finally heal.  Not too much reaction just felt sick to my stomach otherwise doing okay.  My legs and ankles are swollen with water so working on that until last Sunday I blew my left knee out.

It has been a week about my knee the brace is off I am finally walking without using crutches or a walker.  But my legs remain weak probably from the chemo still.  I have my mom and husband supporting me and giving me encouragement each day to get up and heal.  And my facebook friends and family who continue to do that as well.  I pray to god for help, sometimes I feel he does not answer and that is hard and I cry.  I need to be strong so much.  I have to. 

I have some regrets in life, of course we all do, I regret not having children, forgiving some people when we fight. Lately, I just let things go when I get hurt from someone.  I figure if they want to be in my life embrace it.  If someone does not just let it go.  But I have learned that you have to embrace those in your life now and enjoy you have to. 

I hope my husband never regrets anything with me, he is such a wonderful man.  Someone who I admire who is so strong and I feed off his strength each day.  Is it wrong to miss him so much during the day it hurts?  I do.  I feel lost when he is not around, crazy huh but it is true.

Next week back on herceptin, so moving right along  Doing exercises to strengthen my knee so I know one day at a time and hang in there.  I have to one day at a time. 

I love my family my sister, her husband, my nieces and my mom and husband with all my heart.  Thank you for the strength.  And my true friends thank you as well......I will make it through one day at a time.  All the cards I have gotten I keep and read for support so thank you so much for all of that. And my other strength is I am getting well not only for me, but dad I love you.  I promised you before you died that I would get better and I will.

feeling hopeful for the first time

I feel hopeful for the first time.  Geez what took me so long huh. lol........I still have affects from the chemo but I talked to a support lady yesterday Gloria, she has the same diagnosis as me and she is going strong.  Been on herceptin for three years and doing great, has some side effects but okay. 

After talking with her it lifted my spirits up so high you could not believe.  I know with the support of everyone, my family, friends, and my wonderful husband I will be just fine. Sure, I have days and will have them when I am scared, sad, or feel why me, but hey its okay and I know I will be okay.

I love u Roel we will plan a party celebration soon and go away for a needed rest.  You mean the world to me and thank u for being my heart and spirit.  I love u.....

Scared

Well I am coming around the stretch will be three weeks since the chemo next week and then I just go for herceptin.  I will be closely monitored to make sure my heart remains strong and okay during this treatment.  I should be happy that the tumor markers are down, but this week I have been so afraid.  Been thinking a lot about my dad, and then also you read about this cancer I have that you can be alive five years, ten years, fifteen years, you just do not know.  Being constantly scared like that is no way to live I know.  I will continue on and be happy, but there are times I feel abandoned by God.  Why did he do this to me? And then there are days I feel so strong and happy nothing can knock me over. 

I know taking one day at a time is all that I can do.  I am a lucky girl to have a wonderful husband who is always there for me.  He would take my pain away if he could I can see that in his eyes.  I have a loving family and am surrounded by so many wonderful friends, shoot they are friends but also my family too. 

Things could always be worse, I could be alone, and I am not.  I am grateful for each day that comes my way and just pray things continue to come our way in our life together for my husband and me. I cannot give up, I have to keep going.  I know I can make it through. I love you Roel......

Thursday was my last chemo last week

I was scared when I went to the doctor, but just wanted to get it done and when he confirmed it I was so happy, tumor markers came from 450 to 87.  Last chemo just need herceptin.  It is still frustrating because I have to go through things.  I have lost a friend a long the way who could not handle my illness, and gained many more for support.  The support is so helpful, a note, a hug, it just keeps me going. 

The chemo is hitting me a little hard, tired, achey, but tomorrow it will be one week so hopefully it will slowly get better.  My mom comes over to help me, my legs are weak right now so hard for me to walk or function but she has been so helpful.  My husband as well.  His support means the world to me.

I have to be strong, their are days when I dont feel it, I feel like crying, feel scared, but you know what it is okay.  It is normal.  I will make it one day at a time.  In three months blood tests and an echo to see how I am doing.  I pray every day it will be okay.....